i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
