So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
