why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize