Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
