We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
