oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
