he shaved USA in his pubs
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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