Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
