you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
