im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
