We won't sleep together?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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