I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
