Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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