I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
