what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
