can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
