he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
