YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
