period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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