Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
