I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
