I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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