I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
