sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
