the condom got lost in my hair
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
