we have officially lost it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
