So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
