I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
