so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize