I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
