I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
