Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
