Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
