What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
