wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize