Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
