Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
