I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I love having hate sex.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
as a side note pls kill me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
