I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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