Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
