I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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