We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize