My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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