there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
