According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
