why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
