I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
