Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
