at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
