If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think my fart just growled at me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
