mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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