I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
