Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
