having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
