moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
