yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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