Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
there is glitter all over my balls
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize