what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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