I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
