this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize