I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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