Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
