in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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