This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
