If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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