ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
