you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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