There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
