party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
