Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm going to jail i love you
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
