My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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