I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
