I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
