Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
