She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
