have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
