So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
