Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
