You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
