I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
