I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
this just has baby written all over it
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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