Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
my poor anus
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
