Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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