My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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