ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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