Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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