honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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