Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
