It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
