Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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