Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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