I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
