I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
