When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
