just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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