I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
