i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
