I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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