...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
