Cold hands, warm shart.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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