Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize