Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
