So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
